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It's a love hate kinda relationship. - Musings of a mad man. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
A Psychopathic Poet, The Devil's Bastard Son.

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It's a love hate kinda relationship. [Mar. 5th, 2012 at the third stroke, the time will be 08:31 pm]
A Psychopathic Poet, The Devil's Bastard Son.
[Annoying the neighbours with |"After the Watershed" In My Pants...Carter USM]

Let me preface this by saying that on the whole I am rather fortunate, my microwave and I have a pretty amicable relationship. I don't put demands on it, I mean never have I subjected it to the demands of the bake function, or forced it to use the delay start option (though this is more about not having a clue how to programme it and less to do with altruistic behaviour on my part).

In return it delivers me my frozen tv dinners in a (relatively) edible state in a couple of minutes - being a guy "a couple of minutes" is quite a long time - WHAT??? I watch a lot of football (soccer) and a lot can happen in two minutes! Why did you all give me that look??? ;). It also doesn't complain when I ask it to make my coffee drinkable after I decide I would indeed like that fifth cup of coffee another cup of coffee a couple of hours after my coffee pot's timer has saved me from an electricity bill that would drain Oprah's bank account.

I do have an issue though and I am the first to admit it is a petty one and when a relationship is a bed of roses you really shouldn't complain about a couple of thorns - unless they get you right there, or worse, there, owwwies!

Anyway, botanical piercings aside, I get highly annoyed when the microwave beeps at me. The one to let me know the timer has ended and it is time for me to start salivating like Pavlov's dog is a bit annoying, but hey my now non frozen dinner soon takes my mind off that. The one that bugs me is the reminder beep that sounds every 30 seconds. I mean ok, I do certainly have a short attention span, that of a gnat I believe, as much like a gnat I never remember anyone's birthday. Oh and before any of you jump in to defend a gnat, I would like to point out that they are so renowned for not remembering birthdays that they don't even make birthday cards for gnats to buy and send, so there!!! But really, chances are if I don't get to my food in 30 seconds it's because I am answering the call of nature, or laying dead on the kitchen floor, neither of which will be helped by a beeping of the microwave.

Hmmm, this post had roses, bugs, dogs and nature calls, it's kind of like a David Attenborough documentary gone terribly awry...even my current music mentions a cow, a silly one, but a cow nonetheless. Oh and as the song is about the BBC and David Attenborough is famous for his work with the BBC blame him for this post if you don't like it - though be nice please, as I am quite a fan of David Attenborough as the guy could make watching grass grow sound interesting (I have the DVD somewhere to prove it I think *lol*).
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: gypsynash
2012-03-06 01:42 am (UTC)
OMG, and here I thought I was the only one who ever snarked at the microwave to shut up when it beeped at me!!! I mean, how are you supposed to make a midnight snack or stupidly early breakfast (some of us never sleep, okay?!) without waking anyone when you can't even walk past the microwave without it going off like a car alarm? The best one I ever had was destroyed by movers and I never found one with this feature again: you actually had the option of turning off ALL the noises!!!
Have I mentioned how freaking AWESOME it is to have you back????? *HUGEST HUGS EVAAAAAAAAR*
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-06 02:03 am (UTC)
Wow, this is great. I really thought people were going to be all WTF??? about this post, well the beeping microwave part at least, the rest makes absolute perfect sense! ;P

I used to share a house with an insomniac dominatrix (I posted about it here quite a bit) and my bedroom was off the kitchen. She used to have her microwave beeping the reminder for what seemed like hours - I think she got her kinky kicks from my displeasure tbh.

A mute microwave? That sounds amazing! - No pun intended. I would love that. I'd be so mad with the movers, though I must confess I hold grudges, especially with movers, ever since they lost my trumpet when I was 5. I clearly remember my parents telling me that's what happened to it, in fact I was so traumatised by it I don't remember the move at all and all my memories from the age of 2 through 8 are of the same house, but yeah, ehhh, damn those movers!

It's great to be back, not just for the "HUGEST HUGS EVAAAAAAAAR", but also that it is so much cheaper than talking to a shrink *lol*.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: koulagirl666
2012-03-06 09:17 am (UTC)
I don't have a microwave anymore... beep. Instead I have a mini oven... beep. It has a warming function which is similar but slower... beep. Only thing it doesn't do is popcorn. Beep beep beep beep beep.
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-10 10:56 pm (UTC)
Your reply here makes you sound like a demented, or at the very least, an over-eager answering machine *lol*.
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[User Picture]From: elizaswain
2012-03-06 12:59 pm (UTC)
So I was going to say, Sweetheart, you know better than to try to make a woman shut up. You just go to the bar and complain about her with the other men. But then I realized you didn't ask for advice on how to get her to be quiet, and you did just come down to the pub (to use your language) that is LJ to complain. Good for you! May you and Ms. Wave have many happy years together!

And have you considered putting her in the same room as the television?
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-10 11:15 pm (UTC)
Hey, stop trying to put words into my mouth and turn all the women here against me! I would never want a woman to shut up as they have nothing but great insight that us men love to hear in great intricate detail, especially during the crucial moments of sporting events etc. curefreak has a *Wow, I think I may have got away with that one* look upon his face. ;)

LJ as a pub, I like that concept. Not to mention at this pub I get to complain, but I also don't have to pay a huge tab at the end of it, nor do I wake the next day with a hangover and the feeling that something crawled into my mouth and died.

I actually don't have a TV at the moment. Any TV I do watch is online. I just can't justify paying exorbitant prices for cable.
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[User Picture]From: elizaswain
2012-03-11 03:50 am (UTC)
Okay then put the microwave in whatever room the device you use to watch soccer/football is in. That was your original complaint, right? A lot can happen in 2 minutes while you're away from the game to cook your microwave chicken nuggets.

We have cable, but the cheapest, simplest, only get like two channels of actual cable and the rest are broadcast channels kind of cable. It costs $9 a month and I guess is the result of good old government interference, telling the cable companies they have to offer a super-basic no-frills option. (Maybe because in some places it's about the only way to get decent reception?) I think you have to beg/threaten/know the magic words to get it, it's not even called "Basic Cable," it's Basic Broadcast or something like that. Anyway it works for us because yes, $100 a month is way too much to be paying to watch tv. That's more expensive than going to the theater every week!
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-13 02:07 am (UTC)
Ah yes, the good old movie theatre, how I do love complain about that place *lol*. I even have an icon relating to it, which was this character's reaction to the price of it at the movies.

Oh and as for the chicken nuggets comment, I would like to point out that I am a grown up and therefore I do not eat chicken nuggets - they're chicken fingers *lol*.
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[User Picture]From: elizaswain
2012-03-14 02:47 am (UTC)
But it IS special popcorn! It's so buttery and artery-clogging and delicious!!

My apologies for misjudging your chicken choices. "Microwave chicken nuggets" is actually a reference to something in my life from about 13 years ago - I guess I was having an inside joke with myself. :) Now I need to explain though - I had the youth group kids at my house for a party, and one of them decided to make chicken nuggets, but he didn't want to wait for them to cook in the oven, so he made them in the microwave. I thought that was kind of gross (the breading is so much better when it's baked - I'm vegetarian but it's the same with the fake "chik'n" nuggets), and I started calling him "Microwave Chicken Nugget Boy."

Now I know better, and will instead refer to you as Microwave Chicken Fingers Man.
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-28 07:54 pm (UTC)
Microwave Chicken Nugget Boy, I like that!

Oddly I too have someone I refer to as Chicken Nugget.

It was at my old job, with the mattress company. One of the guys there, a stock associate, was absolutely convinced by someone (no idea who *Whistles Innocently*) that chicken nuggets were actually Rooster testicles. I got, uhh, I mean someone, got a few other people on board to back this story up. The funniest was when he told his manager, Dragon Lady From Hell, that this is where they came from and that I had told him that was the case!
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[User Picture]From: elizaswain
2012-03-30 03:25 pm (UTC)
From what I have heard (I know, what is this, gossip day? I used the same expression in my last comment reply to you!), what McDonald's makes their chicken mcnuggets with isn't too far from rooster testicles. Ah, flashback! That all just reminded me of this old commercial, and God Bless You Tube, I found it quickly!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_oem9BqUTI "Parts is parts!"

PS Good to hear from you, My Microwave Chicken Fingers Man! :)
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-31 10:02 pm (UTC)
*LOL* I love that advert, youtube is so good at educating us foreigners as to American culture :).

"Your" Microwave Chicken Fingers Man eh? Yeah, I can live with that moniker :)
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[User Picture]From: museofmyself
2012-03-06 07:41 pm (UTC)
You're not really living if you don't have something trivial to complain about. ;D

Our microwave, which is almost as old as my almost-sixteen-year-old-daughter, doesn't make that sound. Which is why it's still around after almost sixteen years!!

And btw, you remembered my birthday. :D
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-10 11:54 pm (UTC)
Well if complaining about trivial things is living I must be, as the cool kids say, living it large bb!! *lol*

I'm guessing it's also lucky your almost sixteen year old daughter doesn't make those sounds otherwise she may not be around either - can you guess who here has never had kids? ;)

Look, just because on that day I went looking for naked pictures of you on the internet that day had nothing to do with it being your birthday and everything to with it being a day that finished in a "y".
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[User Picture]From: museofmyself
2012-03-11 12:23 am (UTC)
You're doing something large, alright. Hee hee.

How could you have kids, my dear Cure? That would require growing up! Silly boy, kids are for grown ups. You're more fun just the way you are! :)

Oh, I have no doubt you were looking for naked pictures of somebody that day, but you remembered my birthday because you luuurrrve me. Just admit it, you big softie. ;D Either that, or you got an LJ notification. Ha ha!
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-13 02:01 am (UTC)
I am either doing something "large" or my underpants are shrinking in the wash ;)

I am far too selfish to have kids, also I believe it generally requires getting laid too *lol*.

Oh I do luuuurrrrve you, I mean how could I not??!! ;P
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[User Picture]From: museofmyself
2012-03-13 02:13 am (UTC)
I can only begin to imagine all the wondrous things that go on in your underpants! ;D

Yeah, getting laid, and therefore having kids, seems to be for the young. *sigh* Which makes me feel really, really old. :P

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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-13 10:40 am (UTC)
Well thanks to the "In My Pants" meme that I refuse to let die my (under)pants always seem to have good music in them...Is that a subwoofer in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?

Ahhh, yes, the sexual follies of being young, my right bicep was huge, eh, ummm, I mean yeah, I was rarely dressed and getting plenty. *Shifty eyes*.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: banglesau
2012-03-07 02:41 am (UTC)
I generally end up calling the microwave a Bitch after it beeps at me a few times... then I storm over and get whatever it is out..... I mean sometimes your playing World of Warcraft and you can't just stand up and leave... eating... so trivial
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[User Picture]From: headbanger118
2012-03-08 10:36 pm (UTC)
Thank God I'm not the only one! I HATE it when my microwave does the "reminder" beep, and I also hate it when my oven give me the "one minute warning" beep. Do I now have enough things making noise at me?
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-10 11:58 pm (UTC)
A 1 minute warning beep - that would certainly drive me insane, though fortunately with petrol prices being what they are it would be a short drive and therefore very little impact on the planet too.
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[User Picture]From: curefreak
2012-03-10 11:56 pm (UTC)
*LOL* Well I don't even have WOW to use as an excuse. That kind of makes me feel bad about myself, so I am now going to have to be one of those people who teases you about playing WOW to hide my own shortcomings *lol*.
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